I Need to Breathe

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You had your time
But now it’s time
For me To leave
Just turn around
So I can walk away
No need to say goodbye

I’m better off
When we’re apart
You make it hard
Asking me to stay
Don’t pull me down
With your jealousy

The air is stale
this place is dead
I need to breathe
And clear my heads

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Materialism

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I enjoy nice things. But I also enjoy simplicity.

My problem is that everything I do want is ridiculously expensive and I can’t afford it.

I feel like everything is overpriced/overvalued and cheaply made anyway.

I think I’m a walking contradiction.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like without all of the nice things I have, but I really enjoy being connected. And I wonder if that isn’t the source of my stress.

I need to learn to balance my life with some more nature. My work doesn’t really allow that right now. I work too many hours at the wrong time of day to be able to get out and enjoy more of the world around me. That and I’m underpaid. I need a job that requires travel AND exploration. Because they are two separate things. Just because you go somewhere doesn’t mean you explore or discover what’s there.

I’m going off on too many tangents. That’s my problem when I write. I lose focus. Anyway, I’m done for now.

Back Amongst the Crowd

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Daily Prompt: Standout

Lost among a crowd
A sea of faces
Different but the same
Blending in isn’t easy
But, it isn’t hard either
When we’re all unique
Keep me in the shadow
That’s where I belong
Even in the light
I don’t seem to shine
I stood up once and shouted
Keep your eyes open
See each other and how
We can be together
At peace
But, I’m done dreaming now
Back amongst the crowd

We’re leaving!

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Two weeks. 

Two weeks until we move, and we aren’t prepared at all. No money, no place to live lined up. We’ll be initially living with the girlfriend’s parents, but how long can that last? 

I don’t want it to be long, myself, so hopefully we get down there and get things straightened out. 

Sometimes you just have to pull the trigger. Jump the cliff. However you want to put it. We’ve been stuck here for too long. Putting it off only makes it harder to go. I am afraid of becoming complacent with my circumstances. Maybe the fear is enough to make me change things all on its own?

I’m ready for the change of scenery and I think that opportunities may show themselves more readily if I’m actively exploring a new place. At least, I hope. I do have some ideas, I suppose. Going back to school is always an option. A viable one, as I’ll be very close to schools. And I’ve considered a few courses of study.

Anthropology being the main one. I read a bit about it a few days ago and it approaches a few of the questions I have about life. 

For instance, language. Language is, perhaps, our best asset. Being able to communicate is very important. The better a communicator one is, the more influence they have. I have always wondered how language is possible. How does it start, how does it evolve? How do we understand each other at all? 

It’s almost a maddening thought! 

Anyway, we are pulling the trigger. Getting everything as ready as we can, and leaving this town behind. Sounds a bit dramatic, doesn’t it?

I’ve always had this idea that if things didn’t work out well for me, I could simply get up, grab my bag, hop on my bicycle and ride. Ride to anywhere. It’s a fancy thought. How plausible is it really, in this day and age? People rely so much on things. Even I don’t really have any real survival skills.

I feel like I can communicate, though. Maybe that could be enough. 

Seeing the world may help me become better acquainted even with myself. I hope so. Because I really need it.

Growth

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If you only do what you like and what you know, how will you learn anything new or grow?

You won’t.

The only way to gain experience and knowledge is to seek after it.

I must remind myself this daily.

Don’t become stagnant and content with “enough”. Life can always be better, we can always be better.

Try to make it better for someone else’s sake if not for yourself.

The more you do, the more you will do.

Dreams

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Everyone has dreams. Goals, aspirations, ambitions, whatever you want to call it, there is some sort of passion seeded in everyone. Right?

I suppose I cannot speak for everyone.

As for me, I have trouble defining what any of those things are for me. I can’t quite put my finger on the force that drives me. Something inside me moves me to be discontent with everything I do.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with life in general. I love my girlfriend and my family. I’m grateful for the experiences I’ve had and the things I have earned and accumulated. Though, admittedly, life isn’t about getting stuff.

Then there’s the fact that since I do love my girl I should strive to give her the best of everything. And since I love my family, I should make them proud and become the best person I can be.

I don’t really believe anyone owes anyone anything specifically. However, I do believe we all owe it to ourselves and the human race as a whole to give each other our best.

And there lies the problem.

I haven’t achieved anything.

But, something keeps me going, as if there’s something specific I need to do.

And I don’t believe in being called to do a specific task.

I think that for the most part I can do whatever I want. But, whatever it ends up being, I want to do it better than anyone.

Maybe that sounds arrogant. But, that’s how I feel.

Back to the fact that everyone has dreams… if that is true, is it plausible for everyone to achieve those goals?

Is the only real limit that which we impose on ourselves?

To am extent our environment must play some sort of role in that. There are always opposing forces.

I’d like to believe we can always overcome any obstacle in our path, but at some point your obstacle might be me, and I’m not going to budge. What happens then?

Maybe there’s not room here for everyone.

Distractions

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Everything is a distraction!

It’s Sunday. My lazy day. Well, sort of. I have the whole day to do anything and everything.

Want to learn a language? Read a book? Write a blog or poem? Maybe work on learning a useful skill or going to play in the park…

It’s the same thing every Sunday. I’m feeling uninspired. I got up and did my sprints, cleaned up, did some laundry, grabbed the computer and hit up Starbucks. I sat there with my Iced Coffee (unsweetened, of course), and stared at the screen.

The writing prompt was a great idea. But, of course I had no idea what to say about being politically correct. I’m always frustrated with it. I’ve told others before I think it’s stupid, though I never really knew how to say why. I think people are way too sensitive, including myself.

So, I started typing, hoping the ideas in my head would make sense of themselves on the computer screen. Then people show up and want to talk.

Wonderful.

It never fails.

I need a way to deal with these distractions.  I’m tired of wasting my Sundays. If they’re the only time I have off for now, I need to make the most of them, otherwise I won’t do all of the things I aspire to do.

Restrictions

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I wish that traveling was as easy as standing up and walking. Walking anywhere that caught my interest, following the wind in any direction.

You know, like the old days, when the world still needed to be explored. For the king. Or whomever you worked for. I wish we still needed cartographers, and the Earth was still a place to be discovered. That the land belonged to everyone.

If I want to get on a boat to another continent why shouldn’t I be able to?

Everything is about control these days. Control and ownership. The more you have, the more powerful you are.

I wish it weren’t like that. I would love to be a part of one society.

I would love to be able to get up tomorrow and hop a plane to Europe and start backpacking across the cpuntry side.

Instead we are restricted in our movements.

They call us free, but I don’t feel free.
I hope to change this.

Out of Practice

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I’m not as well spoken as I once was.

But, if you’re reading this you probably don’t know anything about my past. You don’t know what I’ve written or how valid my self-assessment is.

Practice makes perfect, they say. Though, I think I read an article recently that implied otherwise.

So, here I am, writing for the sake of writing. With the hope that an idea will sprout in my mind, or some of the ideas I already have will find their way out of my head. Because sometimes I don’t know how to say what I want to say until I start writing about anything and well everything.

I’m writing with the hope that I remember how to speak clearly, how to think analytically, and that I will begin to understand myself and the world.

I always had an idea that I would be some decent, maybe even great writer. I’m not sure where that idea came from. But, I remembered that idea recently and so decided to try and do something about it.

So, I’ll write for myself. That’s what writers do, isn’t it? And when I find out what I want to say I can write for others.

Write to enlighten, write to inform, write to entertain, write to relieve. Any reason I have to write, I’ll try to take it.